The Emotional Pros and Cons of Divorce: How to Prepare Yourself

Divorce can be a life-altering event that could bring up a wide range of emotions. While the decision to divorce is often made to improve one’s life, the actual divorce can be difficult and emotionally draining. Here, we will explore some of the emotional pros and cons of divorce and how to prepare yourself for this significant life change.

Pros of Divorce:

1.       Freedom and Independence

Divorce can offer a newfound sense of freedom and independence for either or both parties. Once the divorce is final, you no longer have to consider the needs and wants of your partner when making decisions, and you can focus on your own personal growth and development.

2.       Improved Mental Health

If your marriage is characterized by conflict and tension, ending the relationship can relieve the constant stress and anxiety. Divorce can be an opportunity to prioritize your mental health and well-being. This may even carry over to your children as well.

3.       Chance for a Fresh Start

Divorce can offer a chance for a fresh start. You can make new friends, explore new hobbies, and pursue new opportunities that may not have been possible in your previous relationship.

Cons of Divorce:

1.       Emotional Turmoil

Divorce can cause a range of intense emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and loneliness. These emotions can be challenging to manage, and it may take time to adjust to the new reality of life without your partner.

2.       Financial Strain

Divorce can be expensive, particularly if the process involves litigation or disputes over property, assets, or children. Living on a single income can also be challenging and require significant lifestyle changes.

3.       Impact on Children

Divorce can have a profound impact on children. Children may feel confused, sad, and angry and struggle to adjust to the changes in their family dynamic – no matter their age. It’s essential to prioritize your children's needs throughout the divorce process and provide them with the support they need to navigate this difficult time.

How to Prepare Yourself for Divorce:

1.       Seek Support

Divorce can be a lonely and isolating experience. It’s important to seek support from friends, family, or paid professionals such as a therapist or a divorce consultant who can help you manage your emotions and provide a sense of community and connection.

2.       Prioritize Self-Care

Divorce can be emotionally and physically taxing. It’s important to prioritize self-care activities, such as exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep, to help manage stress and maintain physical and emotional well-being. A healthy body and mind will make much better decisions than a body and mind that has been ignored.

3.       Create a Plan

Divorce can be overwhelming if you let it, but having a plan can provide a sense of structure and direction. Work with a lawyer or mediator to create a plan for dividing property and assets, co-parenting if you have children, and managing financial responsibilities. It is always better to have a plan and execute it as appropriate.

4.       Consider Counseling

Divorce can bring up complex emotions and issues that may require the support of a counselor or therapist. Consider seeking counseling before, during, or after the divorce process to help you navigate your emotions and resolve any unresolved issues. If you need help, do not hesitate to reach out for it.

In conclusion, divorce can bring up a range of positive and negative emotions. Both of these types of feelings can be true. While divorce can provide a sense of freedom and independence, it can also be emotionally and financially taxing. To prepare for divorce, seeking support, prioritizing self-care, creating a plan, and considering counseling are important. By taking proactive steps to manage your emotions and plan for the future, you can navigate the divorce process with greater ease and resilience and have a better outcome for everyone.

Day 4 of the 100 Blog Posts Sprint.

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The Financial Pros and Cons of Divorce: What to Expect

Divorce is not just an emotional and legal process; it is primarily a financial one. The financial implications of divorce can be overwhelming and complex, and it is essential to understand the potential pros and cons of divorce from a financial perspective. Here is a non-exclusive list of some of divorce's financial pros and cons and what to expect.

Pros:

1.       Freedom to Manage Your Own Finances

 One of the most significant financial pros of divorce is that you have the freedom to manage your own finances. When you were married, you likely shared bank accounts, credit cards, and investments, and the decision about such matters could have been made jointly or by the other spouse. But after a divorce, you have control over your own financial decisions.

2.       Potential for Increased Income

 If you were in a situation where your spouse was the primary breadwinner, getting a divorce may allow you to increase your income. Depending on your individual situation, you may be able to seek alimony (also known as maintenance in some jurisdictions) or child support payments to help you financially. Also, many people take this opportunity to change careers and start doing something they had always wanted to do. This can be very freeing and challenging at the same time.

3.       Elimination of Joint Debt

When you were married, you may have shared debt with your spouse. A divorce can help eliminate that debt, and you can work with your lawyer to ensure that any joint debts are divided fairly.

Cons:

1.       Legal Fees and Other Expenses

 Divorce can be expensive, and the legal fees and other expenses associated with the process can add up quickly. You will need to pay for a lawyer, court fees, and possibly other expenses such as appraisals or expert witness fees. If the divorce becomes contentious, there may be experts such as a Child and Family Investigator, psychologists, or divorce consultants necessary to complete the process.

2.       Division of Assets

In many divorces, dividing assets can be a contentious and emotional process. Depending on the laws in your state and the specific details of your situation, you may need to divide assets such as property, investments, and retirement accounts.

3.       Impact on Retirement Planning

Divorce can have a significant impact on retirement planning, particularly if you have been married for a long time. You may need to adjust your retirement savings goals and rethink your overall financial plan.

Overall, divorce is a complex process that has both financial pros and cons. It is important to understand the potential financial implications of divorce before making any decisions. Working with a financial advisor or divorce consultant and your lawyer can help you navigate the process and ensure that your financial interests are protected. The more eyes you have on this issue, the better off you will be. Here are some tips to help you manage your finances during a divorce:

1.       Create a Budget

 After a divorce, you will need to create a budget that reflects your new financial situation. Make a list of your monthly expenses and income, and adjust your spending as necessary.

2.       Focus on Your Credit Score

 Divorce can have a negative impact on your credit score, particularly if you have joint debts that are not paid on time. Make sure you understand your credit score and take steps to improve it if necessary.

3.       Consider Your Retirement Goals

 Divorce can have a significant impact on your retirement planning. This is especially true if the retirement assets have been divided between the parties. Make sure you have a clear understanding of your new retirement goals and adjust your savings strategy as necessary as soon as possible following the divorce.

4.       Work with Professionals

 During a divorce, it is important to work with a lawyer and a financial advisor who can help you navigate the process and protect your financial interests. Choose a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst if there is one in your area. A CDFA receives special training that can specifically be used to help those in divorce, rather than general knowledge for financial planning (although both specialties can be helpful).

In conclusion, divorce is a difficult and emotional process that can have a significant impact on your finances. By understanding the potential financial pros and cons of divorce and taking steps to protect your financial interests, you can navigate the process with confidence and ensure that you are on solid financial footing after the divorce is final.

IMPORTANT CONSIDERATIONS BEFORE FILING FOR DIVORCE

Whether to file for divorce is a difficult decision that many couples have to make. While it may seem like the best option at the time, it's important to consider the potential downsides before making a final decision. Here are some of the important issues to consider before filing for divorce:

1.       Financial Consequences

Divorce can be a costly process. Legal fees, court costs, experts, and other expenses can add up quickly. Divorce can also result in a significant reduction in income for both parties, especially if one spouse was the primary breadwinner. Property division and child support payments can also have a significant impact on finances.

2.       Emotional Toll

Divorce is a highly emotional process that can take a toll on both parties, as well as any children involved. It can lead to feelings of sadness, anger, and anxiety. It can also impact mental health, leading to depression and other conditions. Divorce can be especially difficult if there are children involved, as they may struggle to understand the situation, and their mental health can suffer as well.

3.       Impact on Children

Divorce can have a significant impact on children. It can lead to feelings of confusion, sadness, and anger. Children may blame themselves for the divorce, and they may struggle to adjust to new living arrangements. Many times, children want to see their parents happy, but they want to see their parents together again more. In some cases, children may be forced to move away from their friends and community, which can be very difficult for them.

4.       Loss of Support System

Divorce can result in a loss of support system for both parties. Friends and family members may take sides, leading to a sense of isolation. In some cases, one spouse may have relied on the other for emotional or financial support, which can make the transition to single life very difficult.

5.       Impact on Future Relationships

Divorce can have an impact on future relationships for one or both parties. Some people may be hesitant to enter into another serious relationship for fear of going through the same process again. Others may struggle to trust their partner or may have difficulty communicating effectively. Without proper healing, divorce can have long-lasting consequences for some people.

6.       Legal Complications

Divorce can be a complex legal process, especially if there are significant assets involved or if there are disagreements about custody and support. It can also be a lengthy process, which can add to the emotional toll.

7.       Impact on Career

Divorce can impact a person's career. Time spent dealing with legal issues, and the emotional toll of divorce can lead to missed work and decreased productivity. In some cases, one spouse may have to relocate for work or may have to take a lower-paying job in order to be closer to their children. If you are not the higher earner in the marriage, your lifestyle may be adversely affected.

It's important to consider all of these potential issues before making a final decision about divorce. While it may be the best option in some cases, it's important to understand the potential consequences and to be prepared for the challenges ahead. If you're considering divorce, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist, counselor, divorce consultant or coach,  who can provide support and guidance throughout the process. Additionally, speaking with a family law attorney can provide clarity on the legal process and help you make informed decisions about your future.

Whether to file for divorce is a difficult decision that many couples have to make. While it may seem like the best option at the time, it's important to consider the potential downsides before making a final decision. Here are some of the important issues to consider before filing for divorce:

1.       Financial Consequences

Divorce can be a costly process. Legal fees, court costs, experts, and other expenses can add up quickly. Divorce can also result in a significant reduction in income for both parties, especially if one spouse was the primary breadwinner. Property division and child support payments can also have a significant impact on finances.

2.       Emotional Toll

Divorce is a highly emotional process that can take a toll on both parties, as well as any children involved. It can lead to feelings of sadness, anger, and anxiety. It can also impact mental health, leading to depression and other conditions. Divorce can be especially difficult if there are children involved, as they may struggle to understand the situation, and their mental health can suffer as well.

3.       Impact on Children

Divorce can have a significant impact on children. It can lead to feelings of confusion, sadness, and anger. Children may blame themselves for the divorce, and they may struggle to adjust to new living arrangements. Many times, children want to see their parents happy, but they want to see their parents together again more. In some cases, children may be forced to move away from their friends and community, which can be very difficult for them.

4.       Loss of Support System

Divorce can result in a loss of support system for both parties. Friends and family members may take sides, leading to a sense of isolation. In some cases, one spouse may have relied on the other for emotional or financial support, which can make the transition to single life very difficult.

5.       Impact on Future Relationships

Divorce can have an impact on future relationships for one or both parties. Some people may be hesitant to enter into another serious relationship for fear of going through the same process again. Others may struggle to trust their partner or may have difficulty communicating effectively. Without proper healing, divorce can have long-lasting consequences for some people.

6.       Legal Complications

Divorce can be a complex legal process, especially if there are significant assets involved or if there are disagreements about custody and support. It can also be a lengthy process, which can add to the emotional toll.

7.       Impact on Career

Divorce can impact a person's career. Time spent dealing with legal issues, and the emotional toll of divorce can lead to missed work and decreased productivity. In some cases, one spouse may have to relocate for work or may have to take a lower-paying job in order to be closer to their children. If you are not the higher earner in the marriage, your lifestyle may be adversely affected.

It's important to consider all of these potential issues before making a final decision about divorce. While it may be the best option in some cases, it's important to understand the potential consequences and to be prepared for the challenges ahead. If you're considering divorce, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist, counselor, divorce consultant or coach,  who can provide support and guidance throughout the process. Additionally, speaking with a family law attorney can provide clarity on the legal process and help you make informed decisions about your future.

The Pros of Filing for Divorce: Why it Can be the Right Decision

Divorce is often portrayed as a painful and difficult experience, and most people try to avoid it if at all possible. However, sometimes filing for divorce can be the best decision for a person's mental health and overall well-being. While it is true that divorce can be a challenging experience, it can also provide a range of benefits that are worth considering. In this blog post, we will explore some of the pros of filing for divorce and why it can be the right decision.

1.       Freedom to Move On

One of the most significant advantages of filing for divorce is the freedom to move on from an unhappy and possibly unhealthy relationship. When a marriage is no longer working, it can feel like being trapped in a never-ending cycle of pain and disappointment. Divorce provides an opportunity to break free from that cycle and start a new chapter in your life. Whether it is pursuing new relationships or exploring new interests, the freedom to move on can be incredibly liberating.

2.       Improved Mental Health

Staying in an unhappy marriage can take a significant toll on a person's mental health. The stress, anxiety, and depression that often accompany a failing marriage can lead to long-term mental health issues. In contrast, ending a toxic relationship can prove to be a significant step towards improved mental health. When a person is no longer consumed by the stress and turmoil of an unhappy marriage, they can focus on rebuilding their mental and emotional well-being.

3.       Improved Physical Health

The negative impact of an unhappy marriage can extend beyond mental health to physical health as well. Stress and anxiety can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, and a range of other physical health issues. Divorce can provide an opportunity to reduce stress levels and improve physical health. With fewer stressors in their life, individuals who have gone through a divorce may find that their physical health improves significantly.

4.       Financial Stability

Staying in an unhappy marriage for financial reasons can be a recipe for disaster. While divorce can be expensive, staying in a marriage that is causing financial strain can be even more costly in the long run. Divorce provides an opportunity to start fresh and build a more stable financial future. With a clear understanding of their finances and the ability to make independent decisions, individuals who have gone through a divorce can regain control of their financial future.

5.       Role Model for Children

Many parents who stay in unhappy marriages do so out of a sense of obligation to their children. They think that the consistency of staying in the marriage is more important than their own happiness.  However, staying in a toxic relationship can be more harmful to children than divorce. By filing for divorce, parents can demonstrate to their children that it is okay to prioritize their own happiness and well-being. Children who grow up in an environment where their parents are happy and healthy, even if their parents do not live together, are more likely to have a positive outlook on life in the long run.

Conclusion

In conclusion, filing for divorce is not an easy decision, but it can provide a range of benefits that make it the right decision for many individuals. From improved mental and physical health to financial stability and the freedom to move on, divorce can be a liberating experience. While it is important to consider the potential challenges and consequences of divorce, it is equally important to recognize the benefits and possibilities that come with starting a new chapter in your life. Remember, divorce is not the end – it can be just the beginning of a beautiful new life.

CO-PARENTING DIFFICULTIES

DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST 

Co-parenting with a narcissist, whether this person has been clinically diagnosed or not, can be a challenging and difficult task. Narcissists have a tendency to be controlling, manipulative, and self-centered, which can make it hard to come to agreements and make decisions that are in the best interest of the child.

One of the most important things to keep in mind when co-parenting with a narcissist is to maintain clear boundaries and to have a plan in place for communication and decision-making. This can include setting up regular communication times, such as weekly phone calls or email exchanges, and outlining specific procedures for handling disputes or disagreements. There is also a variation on co-parenting called “parallel parenting” that might prove helpful in some situations. The idea of parallel parenting is less contact between the parents, with each parent being solely responsible for their time with the child(ren). In extreme situations where contact between the parents is not feasible or workable, this might be a better approach.

It can also be helpful to have a therapist or counselor who is experienced in working with narcissists and can provide support and guidance during this process. They can help to develop effective coping strategies and ways to communicate effectively with the narcissist.

It is important to keep in mind that the most important thing is the well-being of the child and to minimize the negative impact of the co-parenting relationship on the child. This may mean putting your own feelings and needs aside and focusing on the needs of the child. The Parenting Plan and all actions taken pursuant to that Plan should always be child-centered.

It is also important to note that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious condition that requires professional help. Your co-parent may benefit from therapy, and it's good to encourage them to seek help for the sake of the child. But realize that the final decision on seeking therapy always lies with the other parent.

In summary, co-parenting with a narcissist can be difficult. Still, it is possible to make it work by setting clear boundaries, having a plan in place for communication, seeking professional help, and putting the child's well-being first.

NEGOTIATION SKILLS FOR WOMEN IN DIVORCE

Negotiation skills are essential for anyone going through a divorce, but they can be especially important for women. Divorce can be a difficult and emotional time, and it's important to have a plan in place to protect yourself financially and emotionally. Here are some tips to help you negotiate effectively during your divorce:

1. Understand your rights and the laws in your state. Before you begin any negotiations, make sure you understand your legal rights and the laws that apply to your divorce. This will help you make informed decisions and to be able to properly advocate for yourself.

2. Gather all relevant financial information. This is usually a required step in the divorce process, but even if it is not, this should be done early in the process. Relevant financial information generally includes information about your income, expenses, assets, and debts. Having current information on hand will help you make informed decisions about property division and support payments.

3. Hire a good attorney. A good attorney can help you navigate the legal system and negotiate on your behalf. Make sure you find an attorney who you trust and feel comfortable working and communicating with. It is also a good idea, if you can, to hire a divorce coach or consultant. This person can pick up where the lawyer leaves off. An experienced divorce coach or consultant is there to help you manage your fears and emotions during this challenging, emotional, stressful, life-changing situation. Having a great coach/consultant on your side will help you make the best possible decisions for you and for your family. It really does make the best possible outcome possible.  

4. Be prepared to compromise. Divorce is rarely a one-sided affair, and you'll likely need to make some compromises to reach a settlement. Be prepared to make concessions, but also be assertive in protecting your rights and interests.

5. Consider mediation. Mediation is a form of alternative dispute resolution that can be less expensive and less adversarial than traditional divorce proceedings. A neutral third party (a mediator) can help you and your spouse reach a mutually acceptable agreement.

6. Be emotionally prepared. Divorce can be emotionally draining, so it's important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally during this time. Surround yourself with support and take time for self-care.

Remember, the most important thing is to keep your best interests in mind throughout the negotiation process. Do not be intimidated by the other side or be afraid to voice your concerns or desires. With the right preparation, knowledge, and mindset, you'll be able to advocate for yourself effectively and emerge from your divorce in a stronger position.

COURAGE: Either You Have It or You Don’t

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"Courage" was my writing prompt for yesterday, but I'm just now getting to it. Sorry, but I'm usually a day late and a dollar short.

What do you think of when you think of courage? I guess it depends on the situation one finds themselves in. Sully showed courage when he landed the plane on the Hudson River. Indeed, the first person to receive the Covid vaccine, Sandra Lindsay, showed courage that many others did not and do not have today. But other situations not quite as celebrated can reveal a person's courage as well.

When I think of the women going through a divorce right now, many of them show an immense amount of courage. It takes courage to stand in front of your unsuspecting children and explain that Mom and Dad are not going to be living together any longer. And then to answer all the questions that are bound to come. I've done that. I didn't feel courageous at the time, but looking back it did take courage.

Other women reveal their courage by expressing their feelings to their husbands who may or may not be expecting their wife is unhappy in the marriage. This first step in the divorce process is scary and many people put this off as long as possible. Sometimes it is put off for years. I know about that! But inevitably, it has to be done if anyone is going to be able to move forward to a happier existence.

If you are scared or apprehensive about approaching the end of your marriage and if divorce is a word that you'd rather not use too often, I understand. But just know, the courage you exhibit now will result in a much happier life down the road. As you age, you begin the realize that this life is extremely short. It's not worth living in an unhappy marriage. Grab that courage and put it to good use. I know for me, I'm happy that I did that a few years back. I know now that I will never live in such an unhappy situation again. And my children learned that lesson as well. They are both in happy relationships now. 

Let's all have the courage to live our life on our terms and be happy. That's courage.  

Divorce Coach: Is that what I am?

Everywhere you look these days, there are coaching programs for everything imaginable. There are personal trainers to help motivate you to exercise. There are coaches to help you live a better life, coaches to help you eat the right things, and on and on. The ones I have noticed the most are divorce coaches. There seem to be so many people who think because they went through a difficult divorce, they are now a divorce coach. I’m sure some of these people might be able to help those in a similar circumstance as theirs. The ones I’ve spoken to are more emotional support than anything else. And that is important for a lot of people.

The plan for my business, called Common Sense Divorce, is not exactly that. Having spent so many years as a litigator in the family law space, my effort is to help those going through the divorce process with a little common sense advice to help them survive the divorce process, and then once they are on the other side, I can share insights and advice to help them co-parent with their ex-spouse in a way that will reassure them and their children that this new normal is not so bad after all. If the children are happy, hopefully, the parents can relax and adapt to their new normal as well. Or perhaps the real problem is learning to live single again. Whether it has been two or 20 years since you were single, it can seem like a monumental task to re-establish yourself as a single person among your friends and in society. I’ve done these things personally, but I’ve also spent 25 years working with clients to accomplish many of these things as well. I also have experience in the step-child area — both being the step-child and helping raise step-children. Additionally, I had several (if not many) cases involving issues surrounding the new blended family and how to deal with those issues.

Does that make me a divorce coach? I’m not sure. Once you become a lawyer, it becomes who you are — not necessarily exclusively what you do. I’m licensed in two states, Oklahoma and Colorado, and in both of those states, my license is currently inactive. That means I am no longer actively practicing law, so I will not be giving legal advice to anyone. I will not be representing anyone as a lawyer. But I am still a lawyer. So I think I have to be very careful and not blur those lines when dealing with clients. So far, it has not been a problem, and I plan to keep it that way. I guess I could take on that label of a divorce coach, but I see myself more as a former family law attorney, so I think I’ll stick with that — at least for now.

Additionally, it appears that I may be the anomaly in this space. I’ve been looking for other retired lawyers that have taken up coaching clients in various areas. So far, I’ve found zero. Could it be that I’m the only retired lawyer coaching divorce clients? Surely not. It seems like the natural progression of things. At least to me. But then, I’m not one to just sit around and do nothing even at retirement age. By the time many lawyers retire, they just want away from the practice of law or anything connected to it. At first, I thought I might feel that way. I was severely burned out by the end. But then the boredom set in and I had to find my purpose. I feel like I still have a lot to offer, so this is the way I plan to offer it. Hope I’m not wasting my time (and money!).

So here is the plan. As a follow-up to my book, Common Sense Divorce: Ten Steps to Save You Time, Money, and Worry, I have developed an online course that will probably be converted to an evergreen format for the next launch. I am still developing the Common Sense Divorce Coaching Program that I hope to launch this summer. I’ve started speaking on podcasts and summits to bring awareness to these products and my efforts to help people. I would also like to develop a membership program as well. It would seem that a membership program is well suited to this topic, and I know there are some programs already out there. The reception to date for these ideas and products has been positive, but it is very difficult to get the word out when there is so much noise in the marketplace. But I’ll keep peddling and trying to help as many people as possible - no matter what you call me!

Why Launch an Online Course?

Why launch an online course? It seems like a lot of work. Oh, believe me, it is a lot of work. Who's going to care about your efforts anyway? I don’t know. I guess we are going to find out on March 16th when I host the webinar. I’ve done everything I can to make the launch fruitful and educational for those that attend.

You know, I have 25 years “in the business” as they say. Surely, in all of those years, I’ve retained enough information that I can share and make life better for some people. The course is all about those things you need to know as you go through a divorce. Since about half of all marriages fail at some point, and probably more during the pandemic, the audience for this must be pretty large. I’m just hoping to help as many of those people as I can. The webinar is called “The 3 Secrets to Divorcing with Dignity and Confidence”. The online course is called, “Common Sense Divorce: Divorce with Dignity and Regain Your Happiness and Self-Worth”. You have no idea how long it took just to finally decide on those titles. So no judgment, please.

But how are you going to let people know about this great opportunity? Now that’s a good question. I’ve made affiliate offers to people that are interested in that sort of thing. I’m running Facebook and Instagram ads. I’m posting all over the place with the announcement. I’m writing about it here. I’ve sent out information to those on my email list - although I could always use more on that list (see www.DenaNielson.com) I’m hoping that these things will fill up the webinar on March 16th and that people will be interested and sign up for the course that starts April 7th.

I’m teaching this course live. I know that is not the normal thing people do. Most people that do an online course, just make it “evergreen” from the start - that means, it is available anytime someone signs up for it. And I may do that later. But for now, I like the idea of personal interaction with people that are interested in what I have to offer them. I think people learn faster that way.

I’ve taught in college before so I see this as just an extension of what that was like. Only this time, I’ll be able to teach what the students need and are interested in. Of course, I have an outline of what I think is important, but I’m open to changing that if the need arises. That is why I have not finalized all of the information. There may be a need to deviate from the original outline — and that is okay.

In preparing for this course, I was told that bonuses are expected and should be outstanding. So I’ve been deciding what would make people be interested in the bonuses. One thing I thought might be good is videos of my interviews with other experts. I have interviewed a divorce coach and a psychologist that counsels those in divorce. There is some great content there and both are very knowledgeable in their field. I’ve also included a free copy of my book, Common Sense Divorce: Ten Steps to Save you Time, Money, and Worry, in eBook form. I’m also including a copy of a mini eBook that is on my website for those that did not get a copy there. And finally, as a special bonus, registrants at the webinar (or the encore following), will have a 1-hour session with me 1-on-1 to discuss anything relative to their divorce/situation that they want to discuss. This might be the most helpful thing for those interested.

At the last minute, I’ve also decided to give away a suggested financial document list to each registrant that they can then use to gather the necessary financial information before consulting with their attorney. This will make their attorney very happy and will result in saved attorney fees as well.

I feel that I have done everything possible to make the launch successful. Now we wait to see if it has been enough. I’ll report back a little later.

CHRISTMAS IS HERE AGAIN: But does it look a little different this year?

Yes, Christmas is here once again. For my family, we are one very important person short this year. Not as a result of divorce, but the psychologists say the feelings are very similar.

I remember the first Christmas after my divorce. In fact, I separated from my husband shortly after Christmas. The holidays are always a hard time if your marriage is failing or is over. All the work and preparation for the holidays just don’t seem worth it. But I kept trying to move forward, as you must, especially if you have children.

Children expect certain things at Christmas. Even if we don’t feel like celebrating, we want to fulfill our kid’s expectations. At least that is how I felt when my children were small. My kids will tell you now that they always had good holidays and never knew things were as bad as they were. I’m pretty good at hiding those feelings of loss. Even now.

Someone told me once that your main purpose as a parent is to make good memories for your children. Certainly, that is one purpose as a parent. And holiday memories are ones that will always last for your children.

So even if we don’t want to do the preparation, the shopping, the cooking, etc., do it anyway. Sometimes just the act of doing things you’ve always done, even if you have to do it alone now, will help you get through the hardest of times. It won’t change your situation, but it will give you and most importantly, your children, a sense of normalcy that you may be missing.

Christmas is here and will be over before you know it. Make the best of the time you have. Make sure your children have good memories for the holidays. And you too! Merry Christmas!

DIVORCE AND MONEY: The Costly Financial Mistakes Women Make When Getting Divorced

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Divorce rates remain high in the United States, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce. Divorce can be a costly process, and women can bear the brunt of the financial burden. This article looks at some of the most expensive financial mistakes that women make when getting divorced.

Since divorce proceedings are often time-consuming and expensive, it pays to do some research before proceeding with any legal action. A woman will almost surely need to hire a lawyer familiar with family law in her state, which can be costly and take up a lot of time. Before hiring that lawyer, women need to consider the following possible mistakes:

1. Not Understanding how to protect yourself if the spouse has a higher income

If your spouse earns considerably more than you, it can be challenging to establish financial protection for you and your children. But there are ways to protect yourself financially if your spouse has a higher income.

These are just some of the ways that you can protect yourself if you have a lower income than your spouse:

— Know or find out exactly how much money the two of you have before the process begins. Doing so can be extremely important if your spouse decides to be untruthful about the number of funds available.

— Do not attempt to hide money. Always be truthful.

— Have or obtain separate bank accounts as soon as feasible. This separation of funds will be helpful in the long run.

— If one does not exist already, create an emergency fund, if possible. This fund will be your lifesaver should you be delayed in getting your case heard by a Judge.

2. Giving up your rights to any family assets

Never agree to give up your rights to any family assets without consulting with your attorney. This is especially true for the family home, any business owned during the marriage, or real property purchased during the marriage.

Make no agreements without legal counsel. Savvy spouses often try to get you to agree to things they know they won’t get once lawyers are involved. Don’t fall for that.

3. Assuming that spousal support will be granted even if you don’t ask for it

Maintenance or alimony is only available to those that request it. In most cases, the higher earner will not offer to pay voluntarily, and neither will the Court know to order it if it is not requested.

The financial information you supply to the Court will most likely indicate your need for such relief. However, it is your or your attorney’s job to make sure to request the spouse and the Court as appropriate.

4. Not getting legal advice about what to do with your investments, including retirement accounts

Never agree, without legal counsel, for each party to keep their retirement accounts. A higher earner will have a higher retirement account. Those accounts will need adequate evaluation before being awarded in the divorce.

Similarly, investments held in either of your names will need adequate evaluation before being awarded in the divorce. This exercise may require the services of not only your attorney but a forensic accountant as well.

This exercise will add extra expenses to the divorce process but will be worth it to your bottom line after the divorce.

In summary, your financial situation after divorce can vary hugely depending on individual circumstances, so it pays for women getting divorced to get expert advice before they make any decisions. Do not bend to pressure, bribery, or threats when it comes to the division of assets. Your concern is your financial future. So it is of utmost importance that the division of assets be handled in a business-like manner with expert input.

I Love OU: And that is not Ohio University

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The University of Oklahoma is a special place for me and thousands of others, I’m sure. In my undergraduate experience there, I met guys on the football team, people that marched in the band but couldn’t plan an instrument, and people from every country you can name. It was quite an experience.

When I got to law school at the university, I was convinced that OU was the best place for anyone to go to college. I still believe that all these years later. I still have close friends that I met there.

I have monetarily supported scholarship programs at the law school in hopes of helping others have that same wonderful experience.

Today, OU begins its college football year with immense talent and drive. In fact, they are ranked #2 in the country. The quarterback is considered a good prospect for the Heisman Trophy. No pressure.

I’m not a rabid fan or anything, but I do have an OU flag in my yard and an alumni sticker on my car. I also have t-shirts, sweatshirts, hats, sweatpants, shorts, and almost anything else you can name from the OU store. I could dress in OU gear every day of the week if I wanted.

The football team is a major draw for the university, but many other good things are there. A few years ago, I tried to convince my niece to go to OU for an International Business degree. She was accepted, but then she decided on another great school further from her parents. Distance from home is always a consideration for young students.

My own children grew up hanging out with me at the law school and going to OU football games on our season pass. We all loved the various activities around the university during those years. So did my children go to OU? No. They had other interests in Colorado, and all of my trying was not successful in getting another OU graduate from this family.

Of course, you can be successful without going to OU. My children are a testament to that statement. But I’m happy that the education section on my resume includes a J.D. from the University of Oklahoma School of Law. Thanks, OU! It has served me well.

WORRYING: What a Waste of Time

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Like many people, I’ve spent way too much time worrying about things I have no control over. And even after all that worrying, things work out however they are supposed to anyway. So worrying is not helpful.

I’ve worried about boyfriends, my marriage, divorce, my kids, my money, my job — and everything eventually worked out just as it was supposed to. I see that now. From this vantage point, I can see that everything happened for a reason, and it all leads me to this time and place. So I can now declare that worrying is a waste of time.

But should we be concerned?

That’s not to say that we shouldn’t be concerned about certain things. You should be concerned about your health. You should be concerned about your budget, perhaps. Those are things that you can take action to resolve. The Andreia Philosophy writes that “[w]orry is like travel using a rocking chair as your vehicle. You’re doing something, but also nothing.”

Recognize the problem.

The first step is to recognize the problem that is causing this worry. Then it would help if you took action. Inaction will only lead to more worry.

If you are worried about your weight, make a plan to correct whatever is causing the weight gain and then execute that plan. The issue is almost always fixable. But sitting and reading about how to lose weight, for example, will usually not fix the problem. Reading social media for hours will not fix the problem. Merely talking about it will not fix the problem. Take action, execute your plan and stop worrying.

If you are worried that you aren’t making enough money, take on a side hustle or make a plan to get a better job. Either way, you must take action and execute the plan. The paralysis of worry will not fix any problem.

If the constant news cycle is causing you excessive worry, turn it off. Spend two minutes of screen time getting caught up with the news of the day — but then turn it off. Anything more than that, and you are just watching and hearing the same news loop over and over again. This constant bombardment of anxiety-causing “news” will only cause you excessive stress and unnecessary worry. Eliminating this will also allow you more time to work on constructive projects instead of worrying about things you cannot change.

The discussion of the differences between worry and anxiety is a more complex topic and beyond the scope of this short article, but you should know that worry is generally a temporary situation. In contrast, anxiety is more longstanding and can impair one’s ability to function correctly.

Try to focus on changing those things that you can and accepting the things you have no control over — at least in the short term. Hopefully, this will help you avoid any unnecessary worry allowing you to live with less stress. If you can do this, your life will be much happier.

HIRING A DIVORCE LAWYER? What you need to know before it is too late

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Do you find yourself thinking about getting a divorce more and more? Are you feeling trapped or frustrated the longer you stay? If so, you may also be thinking about hiring an attorney to handle the divorce for you. After all, going through the divorce process is not something you have ever done before or at least not something you are trained to do.  It can be a scary prospect to think about going to court and making arguments in front of a Judge against your spouse. Your spouse may be having these same thoughts and in fact, your spouse may already have an attorney.

Hiring a divorce lawyer can seem like a daunting task, but there are some considerations you should know to make this part of the process a little less scary. After almost 25 years as a family law attorney, I want you to know the following:

1.            Start early. As soon as it becomes apparent that either you or your spouse is interested in a divorce, you should start shopping for someone to help you through this matter. It may be premature for any filing, but you need to have this person decided on sooner rather than later. The attorney will appreciate being brought in early so that he/she is not playing catch up later on in the process. That is always more expensive.

2.            This is not a got-cha moment. Hiring an attorney in a divorce is not something you do to spite the other party or to intimidate him/her. The attorney’s role in a divorce is to protect your rights and to make sure you get an equitable or perhaps equal division of the assets. The attorney serves to add that extra layer of protection between the spouses. An experienced attorney will also know when it is necessary to involve the courts to protect the children or if it is just a misunderstanding that can be worked out in mediation or some other way. It is not wise to try to control the situation or the actions of your spouse by threatening to hire an attorney. Those kinds of situations usually do not end well.

3.            How to begin. First, ask your friends and family for referrals. But do not stop there. Do online searches to find family law attorneys near you or in your county. Talk to them over the phone. Ask for a free initial consultation if they do not offer one. Not all lawyers can offer a free meeting, but they should at least offer a discounted rate for the initial contact. Do not be shy. Sometimes you must ask for what you want.

4.            Ability to communicate is paramount. When you meet with the prospective attorney, be sure he/she is listening to you and understanding your story. If the lawyer does all the talking, either he/she is not listening to you, or he/she does not care to hear your story. Either way, that should be a red flag for you. Experienced family law attorneys realize that each case is different, and it is crucial to hear the client out on their story. The attorney must know what is important to the client and what things the client may be able to live with or without as a result of this case. Also, the attorney should be asking critical questions to draw out the story from the client. Your job, as the client, is to be sure you tell the attorney everything you believe to be important. The most important thing for you to determine is whether you feel comfortable talking to this attorney and do you feel that you can trust him/her. Ultimately, it is the communication between attorney and client that is of utmost importance as the case progresses.

5.            What to expect from the attorney. Initially, the attorney should give you information on how he/she works, how you can contact the firm, and of course, the hourly rate and amount of retainer expected and when payment should be made. Most law firms have handouts for new clients that spell out the expectations, but many times small firms and solo practitioners do not have these handouts. Therefore, you may have to take your own notes or ask that the attorney provide this information to you in writing or by email. You should have a clear understanding of the financial expectations at the end of the first meeting. The attorney should express what he/she sees as the next steps to be performed. It is also good for the attorney to give the client an expectation of the length of time anticipated for this process, even though this is really only an educated guess since things do not always go as planned.

 6.           Never sign the engagement letter in a rush. Once you decide on an attorney, you will be asked to sign an engagement letter. This letter is really a contract that outlines the expectations for both you, as the client, and the firm or attorney. Just like any other contract, you should take the time to review the engagement letter before you sign it. The attorney should be willing to go over the letter with you and answer all questions you may have. To avoid misunderstandings and conflict down the road, both parties must understand the Engagement Letter and the expectations for each party. Again, communication is the important aspect here.

If you are anticipating a divorce, a child custody dispute, or a maintenance (alimony) argument, hiring an attorney is most likely necessary to get through this process in the best way possible. Take your time if you can, be careful where you place your trust, and always trust your gut.

SILVER DIVORCES: They are more common than you think.

A silver divorce, also identified as a divorce for those over fifty and married a substantial amount of time, can have a number of reasons. During my practice as a family law attorney, I represented several clients with marriages over 25 years and one, in particular, comes to mind that had lasted 48 years until the divorce. You would think that if a couple could make it to 48 years, the rest would be easy, but such is not the case for a lot of couples.

Silver divorces are the fastest growing segment of the U.S. population for divorces. This is also true in other countries like England, India, and Japan. I know that sounds shocking, but let's consider for a moment the reasons for such a statistic.

For most, the children are grown and on their own, so now is the time for the couple to enjoy their retirement years. But there is at least one big problem or maybe more for the unhappy couples: they don't really like each other anymore. For many, they lost touch years ago during the child-rearing phase of their marriage and have not reconnected. They find that they have nothing in common. A difference in routines, annoying habits, or a difference in values could be the cause of the demise of the marriage. Or health issues may hinder one spouse while the other is still heathy and active, making it difficult to enjoy their life together. Baby boomers that married in the sixties and seventies may not feel that they have lived their best life and see now as their last chance to do so. Because of longer expected lifetimes, many couples want to make the best of their final years instead of living the drab, dull, lifeless existence of the past thirty years or so.

Newly divorced seniors can easily meet new partners online if they want. There is also an entire industry now to help seniors socialize and meet like-minded partners. And finally, the stigma of divorcing is no longer a problem for these seniors as it might have been in their younger years. The prevalence of divorce has removed such stigmas in most communities. 

Long term divorces, however, bring their own set of unique issues. This is especially true when the parties are both in or near retirement. A retirement financial plan that anticipated funding one household for several years will now most likely have to fund two households after the divorce. This would be especially true where one spouse did not work during the marriage or where one spouse became prematurely disabled. This can cause major problems for the divorcing couple if resources are limited or the assets are divided according to an equitable basis instead of an equal basis. These are all questions to address before going forward with a silver divorce.

All divorces, silver and non-silver, cause financial issues for the parties and can cause new issues surrounding housing, transportation, insurance coverage, even in some instances money for basic needs. But these issues are even more important when they are encountered by seniors and those not in a position to overcome the deficits caused by the situation.

MY FIRST PIVOTAL MOMENT

Now that I am not practicing law anymore, I have the opportunity to reflect and think about the things that happened during those 25+ years and consider whether I would have changed any of it if I could. Of course, there are always things that we wish had gone differently, but there are moments that changed the course of my life that I would never want to change. The following is just one of those moments.

At 38 years old, and older than almost all of the people sitting around me, I was in an auditorium on the campus of the University of Oklahoma. I was going through orientation and preparing for my first year of law school. I sat there wondering why I had decided to put myself through this ordeal. I was married with two little kids, and I had a perfectly good job as a legal assistant in a great law firm. Was it really so important to be a lawyer? My mother had told me just before she died a few years earlier that I should be satisfied with the associate’s degree I had then and I should focus on raising my children. Maybe that is why it seemed so important. I had wanted to be a lawyer since I was about 12 years old. It just took me this long to get here. But there I was trying to listen to the speakers and looking for any older student I could find in what seemed like a sea of young faces. It was just then that I heard the words “American Indian Law Review”. I was immediately hooked. The history of Oklahoma and it’s connection to Indian tribes had fascinated me for quite some time. This was probably because growing up in south Arkansas I had never known a real live Indian. Well, that was about to change.

I immediately signed up to be on the American Indian Law Review and met several older students there. A few were tribal members even though they did not look any more Indian than I did. At the beginning of my second year, a 3L student, Carolyn, mentioned to me that Browning Pipestem was hiring new clerks at his firm. Mr. Pipestem, a local attorney, had spoken at the law school earlier in the year and I was so impressed. I recalled him saying he was half Osage and half Otoe or in other words FBI — “full blood Indian”. I called his office and got an appointment for a couple of days later. His office was close by the law school and I just knew this would be perfect. When I told Carolyn that I had the appointment, she said, “Well, don’t take it personally if he doesn’t hire you. He only hires Indian students.” She was clearly trying to warn me, but I took it as a challenge. “He will have to say that to my face!”, I said bravely.

I was not feeling too brave that following Thursday afternoon as I approached the door of the office. I had dressed in my best navy suit and cream-colored top, navy heels, diamond stud earrings, and of course, I had my resume in my navy portfolio. I hoped I was ready. But the door was locked, and the lights were out. I checked the time — 2:00 p.m. I was exactly on time. I was fearing that Carolyn was right after all, but as I turned to leave, a large Indian man rushed out of the elevator. He was wearing white shorts and a red polo shirt. I think we were both surprised! He immediately apologized for the door being locked and his late arrival. He invited me in and we spoke for about 30 minutes about why I wanted to be a lawyer, why I wanted to be on the American Indian Law Review, and what kind of mentor I thought I needed and how he saw himself helping in that regard. There were no questions about my Indian-ness or lack thereof. He then asked if I knew where the county courthouse was. Yes, of course I did. “Well, then, you are hired. Can you start right now?”, he asked. I said yes. And so it began.

Browning had been practicing law for 30 years when we met. He was well-known in Indian country and had represented many different tribes all over the United States. The Tenth Circuit as well as the U.S. Supreme Court would call on him whenever they needed an expert voice for difficult sovereignty issues. We appeared together, and sometimes separate, in small tribal courts in Oklahoma where we might be the only English speaker in the room other than the interpreter, to the United States Supreme Court and every court in between. We appeared together once at the Oklahoma Worker’s Compensation Court in Oklahoma City. As we stood outside the courtroom waiting on our clients, both in our black suits and brief cases in hand, the Judge came out and asked if we were waiting on our lawyer! I was rather insulted, but Browning laughed so hard he had to sit down. Looking back, I guess that was pretty funny.

In our years together, we drafted all kinds of Tribal Codes, or statutes for Indian Tribes, all over the United States, most notably tax codes that allow tribes to issue their own license plates, and civil and criminal codes that established tribal courts. We believed wholeheartedly that Indian tribes were sovereign entities with the ability to self-govern themselves. We were constantly working toward that end. Browning always encouraged me to take my own clients as well. I had many divorce clients, juvenile cases, and a few adoption matters during that time. Browning was always there to have my back if any issues became big problems. Browning and I worked together for eight years until his death in 1999. I learned a vast amount from Browning in that short amount of time and I know I became a better lawyer because of that experience.

My life changed directions for the better on that Thursday in September 1991, and I am forever thankful for it.

What was your pivotal moment in your life? Let me know either here or on the Common Sense Divorce Facebook page. I would love to hear from you.

Sticking It to the Kids

I was recently invited to a publicity summit with many media representatives. As a result of that experience, I’ve been asked to write articles about different topics relating to divorce, children, and other matters. Most recently, USA Today Magazine requested an article on children and the COVID-19 vaccine. My article, “Sticking It to the Kids”, appears in the May, 2021 issue of that magazine. Some things have changed with regard to children and the vaccine since that article was written in March with the guidance allowing 12-15 year-olds to be vaccinated, but overall it is still pertinent information. I am attaching the article here for your review.

Please be sure to comment and let me know your thoughts on this issue or any other issue. Thanks.

Reprinted with permission from USA Today Magazine, May 2021, Copyright 2021 by the Society for the Advancement of Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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Download a PDF of the article here.

My Next Adventure?

Am I the only one having a hard time getting back in the groove? I’ve read several articles lately where people are saying that they have hit the “pandemic wall”. I know that must be my problem. After finishing and publishing my book, Common Sense Divorce, I have hardly had any interest in writing anything else. It is a struggle to even come into my office and turn on the computer. Maybe it is just mild burn-out from all the craziness of the publishing and launching and marketing, etc. But I have to get back to doing something. I have other books to get done, after all.

I’ve been undecided about what to do next. Honestly, I know I need an audio book and maybe a workbook for the first book. And I will get that done in time. But I think my next big project is the first book in a series of legal fiction – at least 3 books. They will focus on Kat (short for Katherine) Graham. She became an attorney at 41 after having her children at 32 and 34. (sound familiar?) She is in a bad marriage herself but spends all of her professional time trying to help people that probably have no one else to turn to. She takes the cases that no other lawyer will touch. These books will center on at least 3 of these cases.

First, the adoption gone bad case. This case is very involved and does not have an immediate happy ending. It takes 21 years for the happy part to be real. But it does finally happen. The title I’ve carried around for years on this story is “Immoral Justice”. I may stick with that for the time being. Or it could change depending on how the story goes.

The second book doesn’t have a title yet but will be about an 8-year-old little girl (at least at the start of the book) that does not know who her real Dad is. She is being raised by a mother that is more interested in her own life than she is raising her daughter. At 8 years old she knows the difference between beer, whiskey, and marijuana. She knows how to mix a margarita better than some adults and can have an intelligent conversation about sex – if you want. She is very mature for her age but that is not always a good thing. Her Mom eventually finds a good man who she believes loves her. In reality, the good man loves the little girl and wants to get her out of her current situation. There’s lots of twists and turns in this story, but I think it will make for some good story telling and maybe teach a lesson or two.

The last book is still being developed so I’m keeping that close to the vest right now. But I think at least a 3 book series might be doable. These stories are very loosely based on real cases that I’ve had during my practice, but of course the names will be changed and the facts will be embellished or changed to protect the innocent or guilty, as the case may be. 

So what do you think? I thought this might bring in more readers than a book called “Common Sense Co-Parenting” – although I could write that book too.  Please let me know what you think. I really need a little feedback here.  Thanks for your help.

MANTRAS: A way to share your wisdom

               Believe it or not, mantras have been around a lot longer than I have. Originally the word “mantra” was used as a word or sound repeated to aid in concentration during meditation by the Hindus and Buddhists. More recently, a mantra is basically just a statement or slogan repeated frequently. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be true! I realized recently that I generally have a mantra that I use frequently, and it has changed over time.

            My mother’s favorite mantras were “There’s more than one way to skin a cat!” or “There’s more to managin’ than there is to makin’.” She actually had several of these little one-liners that my kids seem to find quite amusing. I guess mine are more directed to where I am in life. For example, during my early practice days, I was being constantly reminded to “Read the law, read the law, read the law – then apply it to the facts. Those that can do that will be successful. Those that can’t, should go home.” This was not a threat, but rather was encouraging direction from my mentor. He said this so often that I took it on as my own mantra, sharing it with my students when I taught aspiring legal assistants and law students.

            Later, when I had my own law firm, my personal mantras were the line from Emily Dickinson’s poem, “Success is counted sweetest by those that ne’er succeed” and “The road to success is under constant construction.” I’m not sure who said that second one, but it is true. My other favorite is “Never cut what you can untie”. That has so many applications.

            More recently, as I have started my author journey, I’ve come across several mantras suggested by different authors and so-called experts. My favorite one recently is “The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.” Indecision is not my problem. Regret later maybe, but not indecision. But I do like the flat squirrel analogy.

            They say with age comes wisdom. Perhaps that is true. I’ve got the age part down, so maybe my wisdom for you today is to have one of those one-liner mantras that you believe in handy so that you can share your wisdom with your friends and family or just those that cross your path. One last thought – “Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt. See what I mean?            

International Women’s Day

Today is International Women’s Day and I am reminded that this of all days should be celebrated. Women make a majority of all medical decisions - for their children, their husband, their elderly parents, and finally, for themselves. And most women are not trained medically but it seems they just know what to do in most instances. I know when my children were small, I knew when it was to the point of needing a doctor or if it was just the sniffles. I believe in women’s intuition.

Women also work harder than some think. Women have been hit harder during this pandemic relative to unemployment. Many of those jobs will not be coming back. But the unemployed women will adapt and reinvent their skill sets in order to get a different job. And it won’t take forever either. Women are resourceful, imaginative, and not afraid of hard work. I know. I am one of those women that have reinvented myself over the years more than once.

I was reminded of this over the weekend, again, how unlikely it was that I would become a lawyer and how I reinvented myself in order to do that. I certainly did not start out expecting to be a lawyer. Far from it. But when I got to law school at the age of 38, I had two little children ages 6 and 4. So every morning for at least the first year we were out of the house by 7:00 a.m. to drop my daughter at school and my son at day care and for me to be in class by 8:00 a.m. But I learned from that craziness and the next 2 years I had class at 9:00 a.m. and I arranged for the day care to deliver the kids to school. That helped but I always had to pick them up at the day care no later than 6:00 p.m. If anyone was sick, it was me that stayed home with them and it was me that had to find someone’s notes from all of the classes I missed. I know this sounds like I was a single parent. I was not, but if I wanted to go to law school these were the things that I had to handle myself. I know now that this arrangement was to hopefully force me to quit. But it only made me want it more. Once I started law school there was no way I would be quitting. Quitting was not part of the deal. I tried to teach that to my children as well. By example, if nothing else.

I think women in general are not easy quitters. I saw that in my practice as well. Women generally will stay in unhappy marriages or relationships hoping to find a way to make it work. But once they realize the marriage or relationship is over, they leave and file for divorce — sometimes quickly, but sometimes they take their time. Men, on the other hand, usually just find things or people to distract them from the unhappy home life. I’m not saying one way or the other is better. This is just my observations from 25 years of dealing with folks who are divorcing.

But on this International Women’s Day, let’s celebrate all the wonderful, hard working women, that make a difference in this world. You may never know their names, but they are out there making a difference in their world and yours.